Back On Top.

It all began in the early 90's.
Pubs began introducing quiz machines where you could win money by answering general knowledge questions.I was soon completely addicted to them because i found i could answer the questions quite easily and could have a free night down the pub whenever i liked. The local pub landlords grew to hate me as i went further and further afield in search of quiz machines.One night i started in the Phipps Arms at Westbury Leigh and went on to The Hollies,The Royal Oak, The Castle, The Angel, The Horse And Groom,The White Lion, The Ludlow and The Crown. When i emptied my pockets that night i found i had £78 in £ coins!Brilliant.I mean, what other way could you go out at night and come home 3 hours later, smelling of drink and have seventy quid in your pocket? Dont tell me!
The Landlord of The Horse And Groom Rod Decided to use my talent to his advantage and asked me to be captain of the pub quiz team.In our first season we won the Trowbridge and District League and my fame grew in leaps and bounds.I felt really brainy! Then one night in the pub my mate Dave said i should go on Fifteen To One.This was a popular afternoon TV show which was a forerunner of The Weakest Link and at its peak had an audience of 4,000,000.It was very popular with pensioners, students and the unemployed.In a burst of egotism i sent off an application form and was invited to an audition in Bristol.Two weeks later i received a letter inviting me onto the show.I had been on the telly before,i was in the congregation on Songs Of Praise several years earlier( I'll tell you about that some other time) This was different though, this was going to make me famous! Everybody i met i told that i was going to be on the telly and to make sure they watched.
The big day arrived and i set off for London and my date with destiny.The studios were in Wandsworth and myself and the other contestants were put up in a nearby hotel as the programme was to be recorded the following morning at 10.00.I began to have my first niggling doubts because the others looked really well educated and posh and i found out that several of them almost made a career out of TV shows and had been on several other shows.I calmed my nerves by staying in the hotel bar till 1.00 in the morning. The others went to bed.
Next morning i was suffering with a really bad reality attack and all my bravado had gone out the window. I didn't feel brainy any more,i felt like a stupid scruffy lowlife.At the studio we drew lots and i was to be number 8.Then we were led into the place with the cameras and the genial host William G Stewart.I felt like i was about to be executed.The floor manager said,"One minute to recording" and i seemed to lose all control over my body, my right leg suddenly started trembling uncontrollably.William started asking the questions and everybody was coming up with the right answer.Finally he got to me and he might as well have been talking Chinese.I was so nervous it sounded like this,
"Whatisthemathematicaltermforlinespointsorcurveswhichareequidistantapart?"
I stood there looking at him like a dumb moron,then i realised what he was asking and i thought "Thats parallel,surely he wouldn't ask a question that easy".The buzzer went before i could blurt it out and William said,"The answer is parallel".
A couple of minutes later William returned and asked me who wrote the music for the film Brigadoon,i didn't know but i was in such a state i didn't care who wrote the music for fecking Brigadoon.I answered ,"Rogers and Hammerstein",in a sort of high pitched squeak, just to say something."The answer is Lerner and Loewe",said William smugly,and i was out. My entire TV appearance was about 14 seconds.
I hoped against hope that nobody i knew would watch the bloody programme but of course they all did.For about a year afterwards i was known around town as Parallel Pat.People came up to me in the pub and said things like"Sorry i didn't see you on the telly,i blinked and missed, it" that sort of thing.Just when people were beginning to forget about it,the TV company went and repeated it the following summer! and the piss-taking started all over again.I lost all interest in flaming quizzes and licked my wounds for 5 long years.As they say though,revenge is a meal best eaten cold and i was to get my revenge in the sweetest possible way!
"""""""""""""""""""""""""
Five Years Later........

Five long years had past since my disasterous TV appearance.Then in 1999 they announced that if you hadn't appeared on the programme for 5 years you could apply again.
"Ive gotta go back",I announced to Kim.
"Where?"
"London,i've got some unfinished business with William"
Once more i set off for London,
"Go get 'em Floyd",Said Kim,"Go kick some ass!"
The stakes had never been higher,if i messed up this time i faced total humiliation but as they say 'Who Dares Wins'
This time i was number 5.As William came along the line asking the questions my leg started its familiar jig, but this time i was grimly determined.Finally William got to me,
"When Britain joined the EU in 1974 which two other countries joined at the same time?"
"Ireland and er um Denmark"
"Correct"
THANK YOU GOD!, i breathed a sigh of relief. Two minutes later William was back with my second question.
"Dancer Michael Flatley became famous in which musical show?"
Easy peasy! "Riverdance".
"Correct"
Brilliant! i was into round 2 and had all my lives intact.In round 2 if you got your answer right you could nominate one of your opponents to answer the next question.This is where it got dirty! I soon got nominated.
"Such is life" is reputed to be the last words of which Australian outlaw?"
"Ned Kelly"
Then i went on a killing spree, one by one my opponents were going down like skittles,i was enjoying this.After a few minutes there were 12 down 3 to go and i suddenly found myself in the final.My two rivals in the final were a lady who worked at Tesco's and a lad from Galway called Brendan who had only entered so he could visit his brother in London for free.At the beginning of Part 2 you had to smile at the camera while they told the viewers all about you.'Pat lives in WestburyWiltshire,he enjoys reading and music particularly Van Morrison and he supports Peterborough United football club'.Then it was into battle.I got my first 2 questions wrong and only had one life left so the other two kept nominating me to try and kill me off.I held my nerve though and i answered 13 questions in a row correctly.The others started to get their answers wrong and i was fighting back.The Tesco lady was the first to crack and she was out.'Get your coat!' Then finally Brendan lost his last life and i had won! I scored 113 points and the 13th highest score in the series so far.
I kept my composure until i left the studio.I was back on the street again,back on top again! I jumped up and punched the air YES! Then i floated on a cloud all the way back to Waterloo Station.I couldn't wait to get home and see those bastards up the pub"I'll give them parallel Pat" I thought.I had to wait an hour for my train so i walked over Westminster bridge and went in a pub near the houses of parliament.It was frequented by politicians, all knocking back the G and Ts .Look at them i thought, they think they are so bloody important,dont they realise i'm the 13th most brainy person in Britain!
We had a big party in the pub to watch my glorious win and i had a cake with 15 candles and i blew out 14 of them.A lady came from the local paper and wrote a story with the headline'Getting The Answers Off Pat'.I went back on the show twice more as a previous winner but it was never the same again.I didn't get the same buzz off it.When you get to the top theres no where else to go! I realised being on afternoon telly didn't amount to a hill of beans.Its being creative that matters and expressing yourself.Thats why i'm writing a book!
THE END.

An American Hillbilly In London

Lotte.

The Dude had arrived in London!,thousands of female fans known as 'Dudettes' had camped out at Heathrow Airport for his arrival.This was the Dudes first visit to these shores since he was deported in 2004.As his aircraft 'Dude1' landed on the tarmac the fans chanted "We Dig Dude, We Dig Dude".He was ushered through the VIP area which had been renamed 'The Dude Lounge'.The Dude was in the UK to promote his Autobiography, 'Absolutly Yours', My Life And Excesses'.The Dude was whisked away to his private suite in Londons fashionable Belgravia.A press conference was arranged and Rose, cub reporter with the Daily Bugle was in attendance
"Dude, how old are you?"
"Ah'm 39 year of age" (Coughs)
"How much do you weigh?"
"Ah weigh 145 pounds naked, thats if the scale outside the drugstore is accurate"
"Dude,is it true that you once posed nude for a magazine?"
"Yeah,but i'm never going back to that news kiosk again, next time i need a magazine i'll just buy one".
Rose's boxer dog Lotte started growling,
"Do you like dogs Dude?"
"Yes ma'am, ma love for dogs is almost illegal, (ahem)
"What is your favourite song Dude?"
"Anything with 'Moon' in the title"
"Hum, thats interesting", thought Rose to herself.
Just then, Rose got a call from Patsy Magee, private eye
"Rose, meet me at The 'Slaughtered Lamb' in the East End,i've got a story for you, Randall has been murdered!".Magee arrived at Randalls whelk stall outside the Slaughtered Lamb pub in Londons East End where he encountered Inspector Nosey from Scotland Yard.
"Hello Nosey, i havent seen you for ages"
"Hello Magee,i say do you know this chap?".
As soon as Magee saw the dismembered corpse he immediately recognised the cro-magnon features of Alan Randall.
"Yes, i know him,his names Randall,he was in my office the other day complaining about hate mail he was receiving,by the way,i'd remove that Tottenham Hotspurs shirt if i were you to save his family any further grief".
Just then,who should come traipsing along the road but Rose and Lotte.They viewed the sad whelk stall,all that remained was half a forlorn whelk stinking in the sunshine.
"Not exactly Florida Marine World is it?,said Rose."Any clues?"
"Yes",replied Nosey,"Apparently some Irish chap had been hanging around here asking for potted herrings and mussels".
"Did Randall say anything before he kicked the bucket?"
Nosey looked at his notes,"He kept repeating, "It wuz crap,it wuz crap".
"Right, that will do for now",said Rose "lets go for a drink,i'm parched,see you later Nosey".
As they entered the pub Magee noticed a small hooded figure in a red cloak scurrying down an alley way."Get the drinks in Patsy",said Rose,i'll have a triple gin and tonic".
Rose put some records on the jukebox,Moondance by Van Morrison, Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival and Blue Moon by The Marcels.
They sat in a corner of the pub which was deserted like most pubs since the smoking ban.
"Did you notice that pentagram in Randalls palm?", said Rose.
"No replied Magee,what of it".
"Thats the mark of a lychanthrope".
"A what?"
"Its another name for a werewolf,thats what we are dealing with".
Magee gulped, "We've gotta get to the bottom of this Rose,something stinks and it ain't whelks".

Magee arrived at his office,The corridor which led to it had a smell of old carpet and furniture oil and the drab anonymity of a thousand shabby lives.He needed a drink, a lot of life insurance, a vacation, and a home in the country. What he had was a coat, a hat and a gun.He pondered on the events of the previous day,What did it matter where you lay once you were dead? In a dirty sump or in a marble tower on top of a high hill. You were dead, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that. Oil and water were the same as wind and air to you. You just slept the big sleep, not caring about the nastiness of how you died or where you fell. Magee was part of the nastiness now.
Just then Rose appeared at the door,she was the kind of dame that could make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. She gave him a smile that he could feel in his hip pocket.
"Guess what,the Dude's been arrested, put the radio on".
Magee turned on the radio and listened to the news.
"An intruder has been arrested in the early hours after breaking into Buckingham Palace,the man identified by Scotland Yard as American superstar 'The Dude' was apparently apprehended while sitting on the Queens bed and trying to sell Her Majesty shares in a manure company.He will appear at Bow Street Magistrates Court this morning".
Magee grabbed his hat,"Come on Rose,lets get to Bow Street".
"Put these in your gun", said Rose handing Magee some silver bullets."Its a full moon tonight, they might come in handy".
They pushed their way through the throng of Dudettes outside the court and sat in the public gallery.The Dude was in the dock,he was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and didn't care who knew it.Judge Gibson entered.
"How do you plead Dude?"
"Not guilty ma'am".
"Well explain your behaviour"
"Well ma'am,Down these mean streets a Dude must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. He is the hero, he is everything. He must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor, by instinct, by inevitability, without thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best man in his world and a good enough man for any world."
"What a load of bollix", thought Magee to himself.
"Well in that case, i fine you £5 and can i have a signed photo?",said Judge Gibson.
Later that evening Magee, Rose and Lotte were walking across Westminster Bridge and looking at the moon reflected in the water when who should they meet but the Dude who was staring at the big wheel.
"What is that thing?",
"Its called the London Eye,"replied Magee,"Its proved so popular they are going to build another one based on Mary Poppins called the London Eye Diddle Eye Diddle Um Diddle Eye".
"You've told that joke before",said Rose,"Do you want to come for a drink Dude? its a nice night, a full moon".
"No not tonight,I'm an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard,i've gotta go"
Dude disappeared and as soon as he went they heard a terrible howling in the distance it was the most frightening horrible noise since Celine Dions last album,Lotte immediately ran off in the direction of the noise.
"Come on Patsy", Said Rose,"That'll be the werewolf, now we'll find out who killed Randall.

.......................................................

The trail had gone cold,they lost Lotte in the middle of the West End.Patsy suggested they go for a drink in 'The French House' in Old Compton Street,his favourite London watering.hole.
"It's great in here said Patsy, i met Ralph Steadman in here once and Jah Wobble"
"I don't give a monkeys",said Rose who was in a mood,"I wish i'd never got involved in this story, it's crap and now you have lost Lotte,i really miss her beautiful doe eyes, finely toned muscles undulating under her skin, and brave and noble nature.You bring her back immediately!
Just at that moment Lotte appeared at the door, barked and scampered off again.
"Good girl",said Rose and they ran out the door.In the yard they found Lotte who was barking at a grotesque slavering beast, a werewolf!.Patsy reached for his gun but found he had left it at home.Right at that moment who should appear but the Dude who fired two shots right through the eyes of the beast.It slumped back dead.
Patsy stepped forward to examine the corpse,
"Stay right there",said Rose. "It will transmogrify in a minute".
"It will what?", said Patsy bemused.
"It will change back to human form,i know who this is,remember Randall's corpse,there were no teeth marks,Randall had been sucked to death!!
Sure enough the beast turned into the form of Ned Edwards the guitarist with Van Morrisons band.
"I knew it was him",said The Dude,"Ever since he joined the band lots of Van fans have mysteriously disappeared,thats why i had to track him down and eliminate him".
"You're my hero Dude", said Rose.
Rose and Lotte disappeared into the night with Dude. Patsy walked home alone,a gentle breeze was rustling the branches of loneliness,a good night for him was as rare as a fat postman, he went home to count the spoons.

The End.

Cast .
Patsy, Humphrey Bogart.
Rose, Lauren Bacall.
Dude, Ernest Borgnine
Nosey, David Niven
Judge Gibson, Ava Gardner
Lotte, Herself.

Otway And Barrett In Frome,Review

What a great year of music it has been.I have seen Van Morrison,Neil Young,Crosby Stills and Nash,Bruce Springsteen and now the gig to top them all,the legendary John Otway and Wild Willy Barrett at the Cheese And Grain in Frome.
We got to the pub just before 7.00 and Sash was already waiting as well as Mark,Angela,Chris, Chrissie,Big Mark and Curly.We met Phil later.I haven't seen such a gang of jolly boys and girls setting off for a gig in another town since i saw Hawkwind in Kings Lynn in 1974.Then Fred turned up,it was great to see Fred again because i have known Fred since we ran together on the mean streets of Peterborough back in the day.Sash,Kim and i piled into Freds car and he gunned that sucker down the highway towards Frome.We crossed the county line into the badlands of Somerset and arrived at the Cheese and Grain.This is an ancient market hall that was used in the the olden days for selling cheese and er grain.There was nobody there!

I tapped on the door and this man told me that they opened at 8.00.We were first in the queue.As soon as it opened we bagged our seats in the front row and headed to the bar.They had some real ale called 'The Usual'.I had a pint of 'The Usual' and who should i see at the bar but Otway himself.I introduced myself in my usual drunken manner and had a bit of a chat and then introduced him to Kim and we told him about the last time we spoke which was in the Argyll Pub in London before his 50th birthday party at the London Palladium and he said that night was one of his favourite moments of his career and showed us a film of it on his mobile phone.What a nice bloke he is.I got him to sign the back of my ticket and shortly after i met Willy Barrett and he signed Kims ticket,Willy Barrett is a really friendly person as well.
We went for a ciggy outside and when we returned the support band 'Sun Machine' we on stage,we listened to a few numbers,they were good for a local band.The girl singer was very good.We went back to the bar and ended up outside again chatting to some people, then it was show time!

Willy Barrett had enough instruments on stage to open a music shop.The first song they did was LOUISA ON A HORSE from their brilliant first album which i bought 32 years ago and still have.Willy excelled himself on violin on this one.I love this song with its references to Otways home area around Aylesbury.Then Otway sang the poignant GYPSY which is about how Otway in his youth saw a fortune teller who predicted his rise to fame,so she is the one to blame.Then they did their hit REALLY FREE in which Barrett played a musical wheely bin,i haven't seen Kim laugh so much in years.It was quite brilliant.BEST DREAM followed which is a great song and shows how Otway really is a great songwriter.One of my favourites followed, THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS which has supurb lyrics about the days of punk and a girl who was the last in her town to have a mohican hairstyle.Another great song followed IF I DID from their eponymous first album.This was followed by their version of Alfred Noyes epic poem THE HIGHWAYMAN which was quite supurb.MURDER MAN was the next song which Otway said was originally called Lonely Man but he changed the title and ensured it got no radio play.


I went for another pint of 'The Usual' at this point and heard Otway doing BODY TALK with the aid of the theramin and also the Rolf Harris classic TWO LITTLE BOYS.'The Usual' was taking it's toll by now and i'm not sure what the next song was called, it might have been 21 DAYS,it was good anyway.The classic CHERYL'S GOING HOME was next which brought back memories of their ill-fated appearance on the Old Grey Whistle Test( See Video).The evening came to an end with BLUEY GREEN,the fantastic BEWARE OF THE FLOWERS and JET SPOTTER OF THE TRACK.This was supurb and i told Willy afterwards that they should have dedicated it to Jenson Button who comes from Frome and might be world motor racing champion today.Anyway never mind.Wait, there was one final song GENEVA an Otway classic which ended with Barrett sawing up his guitar and smashing it with a claw hammer and then playing the bagpipes.
We drove back through the Somerset night, back to The Crown for a last one and then knocked it on the head and went home.What a great evening it had been.If you read this Otway and Barrett, thank you very much.

THE END.

 

Deep And Meaningless, Otway Forever !

The 'Incompatable Otway And Barrett' tour comes to Frome on October 17th.See you there!



Here is a great video of John Otway and Wild Willy Barrett,it might help you understand my story!




In the summer of 75 i became quite pally with this geezer who i met in Peterborough.I liked him because he slept in shop doorways and he still read the Beano although he was about 25 years old.He came from Aylesbury and one night over a few pints in the Bull Hotel in Peterborough he told me about this bloke who he knew back in Aylesbury who would be famous one day.
"What does he do?" i asked.
"He is a singer, he is absolute rubbish,but he is so bad,he's good.He is so determined to be famous that one day he will be,You mark my words".
"Whats his name?" i enquired, becoming curious.
"John Otway", he replied.
Two years went by and i had moved to Wiltshire and totally forgotten about the doorway kids prophecy.Then one fateful day i was reading the New Musical Express when i saw a review of an album by John Otway and Wild Willy Barrett and suddenly the strange conversation came flooding back.A few days later in a record shop in Bath i bought the album and my life was never to be the same again.When i got home and put the album on the turntable i was pleasantly surprised,i liked it! There were a couple of quite poignant ballads,Geneve and Gypsy,some nice folky pastoral songs such as Louisa On A Horse and Misty Mountain,a wild manic version of Bob Lind's Cheryl's Going Home and another wild song called Cor Baby Thats Really Free.This was a great song with some great driving guitar by Willy Barrett.There was also a great feeling of humour and fun about the album that i really liked as well.I played it to my family and friends who also loved it.Before long Bradford On Avon had become an enclave of Otway fans.We had all been Otwayed!
Really Free was released as a single and Otway and Barrett appeared on the Old Grey Whistle Test TV show.It was a performance that was never to be forgotten.Otway got carried away and was doing double somersaults on the floor, then tried to jump on the speakers and fell off in a heap on the floor.It ended in total chaos and Barrett walked off in disgust.It must have struck a chord with some people though because on December 3rd 1977 Really Free entered the UK charts, peaking at number 28.Otway's dream was coming true.He was becoming famous!
Otway had made a huge mistake though,making huge mistakes is a constant theme running through Otways career.The B side of Really Free was Beware Of The Flowers which was even better than Really Free.With its punk sound of relentless guitar thrash and great hook line of"Beware Of The Flowers Cos i'm sure their Gonna Get You Yeah" it could have been a million seller but it wasn't to be.It was to be 25 long lonely years before poor old Otway had another top 40 hit.
The second album was called Deep And Meaningless which i rushed out to buy as soon as it hit the shops.Again it was a great album with lots of great songs on a quasi-autobiograpical theme set around Otways home town and area in the Vale Of Aylesbury.Songs like Place Farm Way,
Place Farm Way,
Where i used to stay-in my youth
With Someone i used to love.
I'm going back again to see the friends
I lost along the way.
I saw Otway for the first time in 78 at Bath Pavilion.He was terrific,tearing around the stage like a mad looney and ripping his shirt off.Our gang saw him about 7 times during those heady days of 78/79.One night at Bristol Locarno he threw his shirt into the audience and i managed to grab it.I used to use it for mopping the kitchen floor at home,so much for collecting memorobilia!.Otway also played a huge outdoor concert in the market square of Aylesbury which was filmed for a TV special called 'Stardust Man, The Otway Story'.Otway seemed destined for fame and fortune but alas it wasn't to be.
Himself and Willy Barrett fell out, partly because Barrett kept failing to appear at gigs if there was football on the telly also Otway's ego mania was taking its toll.The difficult 3rd album was a solo affair,Where Did I go Right? was the title and although it contained some great songs Otway's brush with stardom was on the wane.He was entering the wilderness years.Subsequent albums such as All Balls And No Willy failed to interest the public.
Otway refused to disappear though and a long period of playing pubs and birthday parties followed and the odd TV advert kept Otway afloat.He teamed up with anarchist poet Attilla The Stockbroker and even wrote a rock opera called Cheryl.It was during the late 80's that Otway first appeared at Glastonbury.Slowly but surely he began to rebuild his career.He even wrote his autobiography called Cor Baby Thats Really Me!.It was hilarious and for the first time the whole sad story was revealed.When he was at school Otway was known as 'Smelly',one year he got everybody in his class a Xmas card and got none back in return,to make himself popular he used to do things like drink a whole bottle of ink but to no avail.It was this rejection that spurred him on to achieve his dream.
The long lonely years in the wilderness were playing dividends though.Otway was beginning to build up a loyal following of devotees who understood his strange psyche.Perhaps they had also suffered failure and rejection in their lives.His faithful fans asked Otway what he would like for his 50th birthday and he said he would like another hit.Thus began the Otway rennaissence!
A huge campaign began to get Otway back in the charts,The song chosen was Bunsen Burner which Otway had written while helping his daughter with her chemistry homework.The word went out across the internet, the papers and on the radio.The London Palladium was booked for Otways birthday party to coincide with the chart announcement on the Sunday.
I was there on that glorious night.It was a lovely sunny evening and all the fans were gathered around the radio in the pub opposite the Palladium listening as the chart run down began.It got up to No 30 and no Otway, i began to worry, then up to 20, still no Otway,we had failed i thought,then up to 10 no Otway, the disappointment was unbearable, then... ...the magic words.......And straight in this week at number 9 its JOHN OTWAY with BUNSEN BURNER!!!!!!!!!!!!. YES!!!!! we had pulled it off.
Otway came running out of the Palladium, stood on a table and sang the song to his rapt fans and thanked everyone.I shook hands with him and he said "Thanks"with a huge grin on his face.It was the happiest day of his life.
The concert that night was great and even Wild Willy Barrett was reunited with his old friend.The following week Otway was on Top Of The Pops and played a manic theramin solo! Otway is a national treasure and he has only one more ambition, to do a world tour!Watch this space!

Poetry and Jazz

I love this, read the words!

She said "It's hard for me to explain to you, the brightness of the light.
I can still remember when my life was like that
A real and painless beauty I remember as a kid
When I thought that I knew everything and in a way I did
She was a virgin then, a child in a million
With deep round hazel eyes of bazing intuition
She called me over to her side and said "Will you please listen
I wanna show you something and it's something I've just written
And I'm calling it Poetry and Jazz"

She watched her happy family turn to a broken home
Her father left with someone else, her mother on her own
Her fourteenth birthday, her mother spent in tears
She celebrated on her own, her adolescent years.
It was hell then, caught in the crossfire
Of an emotional triangle she couldn't keep together
I heard her softly as she sobbed upon my shoulder
Saying "As you are the closest thing I've got to a brother
Explain to me why is life so sad"

Sixteen was better 'cause sixteen was boys
Make-up parties alcohol and clothes
And saying to your boyfriend "Come on get out of bed
Look, its three o clock in the afternoon and my mother's coming back"
And she smiled then, her eyes filled with laughter
She didn't know if it was love, but it didn't really matter
She called me on the phone and said "Hey get this big brother
I just got rid of one boyfriend and got myself another
And listen, this one drives a Jag"

She left school and boyfriends for university
Three years of study for an art degree
Her clothes were outrageous her hair was many colours
Her work was radical and so were her ideas
She said "This is brilliant this place is heaven
On a score of one to ten, I'd give this place eleven
It kicks you up the ass and it fires you with ambition
I often used to feel as if my life was just a prison
Now I realise it isn't quite that bad"

I was invited to an exhibition a little while ago
To an art gallery in Paris where she has a studio
She looked sophisticated she was wearing a bronze tan
And she'd sold all her work for some outrageous sum
And I looked at her and I started laughing
I said look you're supposed to be an artist you're supposed to be suffering
And she just smiled back and pointed to this painting
Of a young girl around which she'd written out this poem
She'd shown me once called Poetry and Jazz

My name is Angela I am twelve years old
I've given up on working hard and doing as I'm told
I see a child psychologist who's spotted in my head
A recipe for delinquency or something just as bad
But I'll fight for my independence
I see the world in another way to my teachers and my parents
My priorities are different and my life is not as aimless
I am not disruptive and I'm not dangerous
I've rhythm and purpose like poetry and jazz

She said "It's hard for me to explain to you, the brightness of the light.
I can still remember when my life was like that
A real and painless beauty I remember as a kid
When I thought that I knew everything and in a way I did

Glastonbury Photo

My Glastonbury 2009 Report,Part 8

I must pay special tribute to Glastonbury Festival organiser Michael Eavis who as a child used to camp out in the woods at Worthy Farm and wish he had some friends to share it with and ended up inviting 200,000 people to the farm.Every year he gives millions to Greenpeace, Water Aid and Oxfam and other charities.That is part of what makes Glastonbury the best festival in the world.Thanks Michael.


Monday morning arrived at Glastonbury to the sound of rain on my tent.It chucked it down but it only lasted about 20 minutes and then it was really nice sunny weather for the rest of the day.Our little band of brothers and sisters known as 'the rejects' had one more shift to do and as if by magic they had finally found us a team leader.He was called Andy and was a really nice bloke and he took us off to do the job that we had signed up for.It was great and put us in a really good mood.The stall holders were really friendly and one of them brought us out 9 cups of coffee and 9 bacon rolls.He was Welsh and the kindness of strangers is always welcome.Monday morning is the best time to go shopping at Glastonbury because you can haggle and get some really good bargains.I knew i had to get Kim a present and we got to a clothes stall and they were throwing away stuff they couldn't be bothered to take home.It was really good quality and i got Kim a really nice jacket, dress and skirt which saved me a lot of money.(I didn't tell her i got them free,so if you see her,mums the word!)

The shift past really quickly and was good fun apart from one dodgy moment.We were walking along and i wasn't paying attention and we met the Pyramid Stage Crew coming the other way and i looked up and suddenly i was lost in a crowd of 150 litter pickers all wearing the same T Shirt.Luckily Andy sent someone to find me and all was well.We finished early and helped another team and finally at 12.00 we all chucked our gloves in a black rubbish bag and we were finished.It was sad to see the end of our team that stuck together despite everything.

Bleary eyed revellers were leaving the site by the thousands every hour.Apparently there were 5 hour delays in the car parks to get out.I was in no hurry to go though and went to visit my friends who were all taking their tents down.I said i'd call back later and went back to camp and had a shower and a shave and put on my cleanest dirty clothes so i didn''t go home looking like a complete bag of s.....Then i used up the last of my meal tickets and went back and said cheerio to all my mates who were leaving.


Finally about 4.00 i started taking down my little home of 4 days and packed my rucksack and headed back across the site to the Bus Station.The elderly bus was waiting and as it creaked it's way onto the main road i took one last lingering look back at Worthy Farm.The magical kingdom was already fading once more into the mists of Avalon.Soon the Pyramid Stage and the fence would come down The clean up operation would go on for weeks and then field by field Daisy, Buttercup,Ermintrude and all the other cows would return and start munching contentedly on the lush pasture and peace would return to Worthy Farm until next year.when everyone would meet once again down by Avalon in the long grass in the summertime in England and the healing has begun!

THE END.